In the last 8 months being “outside” means something completely different than it did before. At night, in my back yard, I pause and listen to the frogs peeping and the toads croaking. I hear the leaves rustling in the wind. Animals move through the yard breaking branches as they run. The creek babbles as it flows lazily by. I look up at the sky and marvel at the infinite number of stars and gaze at the beautiful round moon. I take in all of this, listening and observing and think, Pedro has not experienced the night in 8 months.
Logan runs as fast as lightening through the park. He makes a joke and giggles with joy. I lean over and hug him close and kiss his head. I tell him that I love him. He runs off and starts to show off his new dance move. I watch him interact with other children and become more verbal everyday, telling stories about his dreams or from his imagination. I see how proud he is when he sings a new song he learned in school. He sits next to me on an airplane trip and I try to comfort his fears of flying. I buy another size up in clothing or shoe and think about how much he has grown. He hurts him self and sobs, “I want my daddy!” Pedro is missing all of this.
I lay in bed and try to remember what it felt like to touch my husband’s face, to simply sit next to him on the couch and watch a movie, to put my arm around him. I think about what it was like to look into his eyes and tell him that I love him. What was it to call out his name and have him come to me? How did it feel to hold his hand? I never thought that we would go through this. We have a giant hole in our family and our heart breaks everyday.
Please, kiss your son or daughter today. Look at your wife or husband, girlfriend or boyfriend and let that disgreement go. Appreciate them. Hug your mother and father. You never know what will happen.
